The Greenwich Pensioner, E14

From the outside the Greenwich Pensioner appears to be a typical traditional Victorian local with a fine façade bedecked with flower arrangements and a beckoning welcome. I thought I had found a lost back street gem in a somewhat bleak part of London as I approached but once insdie you realise that it has become a cynical designer pub that has had every last drop of its 100 odd year old life and atmosphere removed and shoved down the nearest drain by people who do not seem to care one inch for a building's past. Heaven knows what the previous regulars must have thought when this place reopened. It is now a kind of modern art deco yuppy pub with designer lighting, cushioned cube seating, glass top coffee table, even designer nibbles (£1 for a packet of designer crisps if you please) and just so you don't forget where you are, there are business cards neatly arranged on the tables. I am surprised I didn't get my change on a silver tray. The only feature worth mentioning is the living room mural plastered across one wall (apparently a prized piece of art). There is hardly a single original feature left and it is impossible to imagine what the pub looked like before the makeover. Outside it says “Prized Ales”. Inside you will find Fosters, Stella, Guiness and John Smiths and not a hand pump in sight. Other than that it is wine, spirits and cocktails and this is the customer base that it is obviously aimed at. I don't mind there being modern, trendy and fashionable bars around but not at the cost of the established local pubs and especially in an area that is somewhat sparse for pubs in the first place.

This pub looks mightily impressive from the outside with its original brewery facade and signage, and floral displays that give it a well cared for appearance. But it flatters to deceive, and the interior is very disappointing. There’s a pool table on the left; a sofa with a low cerise coloured plastic table; and a few normal tables and chairs comprise the furnishings. There are some bizarre decorations as well – the walls are adorned with advertising posters for the “Confessions” films, and there is a large false shark’s head on the wall to one side of the bar glaring down at punters in the pub! There was a TV showing a music channel, and the usual one-armed bandits and cigarette machines. In essence, it’s pretty characterless inside. What they didn’t have is anything worth drinking. There are two pumps; one had a clip turned round and the other advertising GKIPA which was not on. I always wonder why pubs leave a clip facing out when the beer in question is not on? It just leads to disappointment – not that I’m a great GKIPA fan, but it’s a darn sight better than the only other bitter (John Smith’s smoothflow) that they had on. I can’t see any reason to return.