The Alchemist, Gunwharf Quays, Portsmouth

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An over-priced attempt at a trendy theme bar in the shopping centre, with a good frontage overlooking the dock. On arrival the entrance was blocked by smokers, which wasn’t a good omen. There is seating outside, but it’s nothing special. Inside there are bars on two levels connected by a spiral staircase. There are plenty of tables for sitting, but no facility for vertical drinking. The atmosphere was noisy, not helped by the dreadful muzak and the smoke drifting in from the front through the open door. The staff were pleasant and chatty but didn’t seem very competent. The alchemy bit is presumably a reference to the random selection of types of alcohol, up to seven or eight varieties, injected into a single glass and sampled with various decorative trimmings. This was proof, if needed, that while you can sprinkle glitter on a turd, you can’t turn it into gold. It did, however, make some of the less experienced customers’ consequent vomit more colourful. No real ale, just Will’s Neck at £6.00 a pint. There was no food being served, though the Just Eat bloke seemed to be doing a roaring trade. This is one experiment I shall not be repeating.

On 2^nd November 2021 - rating: 4
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