All Bar One, Victoria, SW1

Bog-standard chain bar / restaurant, with all the charm one would be looking for in an All Bar One, and seemingly pointless door staff (presumably foisted on them by the nearby Westminster City Council HQ). Nothing else to note, except that Meantime London Pale Ale - the least dull of the keg beer offerings - will set you back £2.95 for a half.

This instantiation of this awful chain is a bland corner bar with glass walls on 2 sides and some outside seating on a paved area where smoking is not permitted. The most off-putting thing on this occasion was a morbidly obese tourist stuffing its face with a fatburger, a scene which will haunt me now whenever I pass by here – which I shall continue to do as there’s nothing here worth drinking and I don’t like to feel nauseous when eating.