Albert's Bar, Torquay

Despite the gaudy green exterior this is a basic upmarket hotel bar, opened-out into a single utilitarian space with tables regimented in lines like a Communist dictatorship and no real USP. Light wallpaper and colour scheme. Two ales, Doom Bar and Bays Summer Ale (fair). We ambled over to the quizzer to kill a few minutes and stuffed our quid in which made the machine howl into life so loudly it must have been using Nigel Tufnell’s amp maxed out to 11, causing much consternation among the geriatrics and gentlefolk (at least one pair of false teeth were swallowed). My friend, being a professional mothboy who is au fait with these electronic gadgets, managed to locate the volume control and turn it down. Despite the barmaid proclaiming what an issue it has been over the last few weeks, the tightwad didn’t even offer him a free drink as thanks. I bet she tells the manager it was her that fixed it. Well it bloody wasn’t, OK?

Average sort of hotel bar open to non-residents. Warm welcome, average range of basic pub grub and a couple of ales.