Beefeater Sir Thomas Wyatt, Allington, Maidstone

A fine, impressive building, fine as a moderately priced hotel, but a complete cluster as a pub. It took considerable effort to park due to the number of white vans in the limited parking space, but we eventually managed. Once inside we found there was no cask ale and nothing at all on keg. The young staff were offhand and ignorant, while the customers, fuelled up on bottled whatever, were difficult. Food was, of course, the standard mass-microwaved slop we expected, so in the end we just left and went somewhere less pathetic. We certainly shan’t be back under present ownership.

Brewers Tudor roadhouse on the edge of Maidstone, now with an adjacent Premier Inn. Given the anonymous, semi-modern Beefeater treatment in the various dining areas and the separate bar to the right of the entrance. Also has some outdoor seating on the front patio terrace. Doom Bar (£3.85) available from the pair of handpumps.