Smuggler's Cove, Ruislip

A dreadful dive bar, its history and layout well described by Roger, below. On this occasion it was full of drunken morons and feral children climbing over the bar and running wild. There was karaoke happening which was a truly unpleasant experience, led by a cretin who shouted stupidly into the saliva-shiny microphone. It was hard to determine what was more annoying – the middle aged twats behaving like teenage twats, or the twenty-something twats teaching their school-age offspring to be the next generation of teenage twats. Only one ale on, London Glory, which was poorly kept and not at all enjoyable. A crock indeed.

There was just the one real ale on – GK London Glory (£1.80 a half), and another handpump had a Doom Bar Clip reversed. So, not a very exciting ale selection, but this is not the sort of place where one would expect much better. I didn’t see any sign of food when I was in on Wednesday afternoon. This is a narrow, long pub that’s quite gloomy as the only light is provided by a couple of small windows at the front, obscured somewhat by blinds and the awning overhanging the front. Inside they seem to have tried to give it a lounge look, with a striped carpet, upholstered banquettes of varying colours, plus arty decorated stools. There’s a fair bit of décor on the right hand wall, such as various sayings – “enter as strangers, etc” – plus fake road signs for London football clubs – Loftus Rd, White Hart Lane, etc, etc. I counted six large TVs on the walls, all showing the horse racing. All were muted so that we could be exposed to the overly loud rock music being played. There were a dozen or so regulars in, and they didn’t look like rock music people to me, but people sometimes will surprise you. This is not really my sort of bar, but I really enjoyed my half of London Glory. Maybe I’m coming down with something.

Originally a shop, this first became Bar Lulas in 2004 before turning into a music bar called the Listen Inn. Obviously not many people did so it is now an uninspiring Irish/Sports bar that doesn’t really do too much to sell itself to anyone other than those wanting a footie fix and given the paucity of customers present on my visit whilst a major Champions League game was in progress, it is clear that the Laurels are well and truly not for resting on. The interior is long and narrow with a long bar along the left and a series of long shallow banquettes opposite. At the back is a pool table area with Big Screen. Numerous other TV’s were dotted about showing various channels. There is little characheter in the décor with large expanses of bare plain walls with a few inadequate pictures to break up the monotony. There was a list of forthcoming live music although much of it appeared to actually be karaoke. The beers fare no better, just a mundane selection of brand name kegs, lagers and ciders. According to the local CAMRA website they have Real Ales but if they did, they have hidden them very well. It is probably the most convenient pub/bar to Wealdstone FC but to be frank, the football ground bar is far superior, as are most of the other pubs in the area (not that there are that many to choose from and even the ‘Spoons fares well from the choices available). Barmaid was quite sweet though.