Five Bells, SW16

Given the traditional pub name, I was inveigled into paying a visit, only to find out that this is a modern – c. 2000 – conversion. The place is relatively narrow, certainly in relation to the interior that goes back a fair way to a recessed drinking area, with tiny fag patio to the left-hand side. The floor is either modern wood laminate or quarry tiled, with conventional tall or normal height furniture, fake Victorian mahogany bar back and dividers with glass infill; décor takes the form of eclectic prints, silent cricket played on several TV screens, unwatched by mixed age vaping local customers who were a bit Island of Dr. Moreau, transfixed by the utterly appalling karaoke undertaken at the time of my Friday 9.15pm visit. A sign to the entrance stated that all customers must buy a drink, with ‘…no excuses….’ such as ‘I’m waiting for a friend’, otherwise ‘…all TVs would be turned off spoiling everyone’s enjoyment’; this is what I’d call an improvement. There was cask after a fashion, with two unused pumps then GK I Pee A, me going for a half of Guinness at £2.80. This is quite a depressing place, an allegory for Streatham High Road as a whole.

Here at 7.30pm and so the venue, as perfectly described previously, was building up to the Newc v Chelsea game, and so had that relatively restrained background murmur of locals chatting. As before GK IPa the only beer on hand pump, which generally fills me with trepidation when ordering in such circumstances, but perfectly acceptable. Have been avoiding snacking in pubs recently, but who can resist a packet of Tayto S&V crisps! Nothing wrong with this place and nice to see plenty enjoying on a quiet Monday evening, but more interesting fayre nearby.

This is a good-sized High-Street boozer located just a short walk from Streatham Hill station. You enter into a fairly open plan front space with a single brick pillar opposite the front door breaking up the space a little. There some very unusual parquet flooring on the two raised seating areas either side of the entrance, beneath the large front windows, where comfy sofas and armchairs can be found. The servery appears a little further into the room, down the left-hand wall, and has a nice dark wood counter with a long, mirrored bar back that boasts a few chunky pillars, a bunch of glib, beer themed quotes painted across the top and a TV screen as the centrepiece, showing live football when I arrived. Opposite, there’s a mix of high and low stool seating, and a few more TV screens here were showing the same match. Further back, the room opens out again and tables and chairs fill much of the space, including across a very busy lower-level section at the back. There was no commentary audible from any of the TV screens and no piped music either, which I thought was unusual for a pub like this and it was eerily quiet as a result, despite a decent mid-week crowd. Additional seating is available on benches out on the pavement in front of the pub and I noticed a sign on the bar which read “No sitting or standing at the bar”, which certainly seemed to do the trick of clearing any potential bar blockers. There are three handpulls on the bar and to my surprise, one of these was clipped and dispensing Greene King IPA for £4.25 a pint. The barmaid was very friendly and offered to bring the card machine to my table if my payment didn’t go through, due to some connectivity issues with the terminal. The IPA was in good shape even though I was the only person who ordered it during the course of my stay. I think this is a pretty solid local’s pub that seems to be serving the local community well and is able to draw in enough trade to keep things ticking over. I quite enjoyed my visit here and found it to be a welcoming place that was easy to settle down in, but the lack of any interesting ale and the strange, silent ambiance would most likely prevent me from returning and I’d be more likely to use the nearby Rebel Inn in the future. Date of visit – 8th November 2023

They only had on GK ipa, at £1.75 a half. I didn't see any sign of food on my midweek mid-afternoon visit. This pub is a lot bigger than it looks from the outside. There are small raised areas on either side of the doorway as you enter; the room continues down past the long bar counter on the left; then further back to a lower well area right at the back. There's the usual mix of furnishings, with a lot of modern looking stained woodwork, ducting on the ceiling, and some exposed brickwork. There's nothing of heritage interest. It's got a bit of the Stonegate bogstandard pub look about it. It's an unexceptional pub with a very limited ale choice. It's not really one for the pub or ale enthusiast, but at least it's still here apparently as a going concern.

Official site of Five Bells - www.fivebellspub.co.uk

Official site of Five Bells - www.fivebellspub.co.uk