Vaulty Towers, SE1

This is a very quirky, eccentric pub with a good location on Lower Marsh market, just a short walk from Waterloo station. The eye-catching, highly decorative exterior should give you an idea of what to expect on the inside, where a simple bare boarded room with striking blue walls has been decorated in a wildly bizarre manner. The servery is in the far-right corner and has a ramshackle counter made from reclaimed bits of wood, contrasting nicely with the smart bar back. Benches down one side of the room serve a mix of tables, including one with a fine polished stone top. On the other side of the room, chairs serve smaller round tables, including some in a cosy spot beneath a staircase. The stairs lead up to a tiny, single table, mezzanine space – almost a Juliet balcony – which looked like it could be a cool spot to bag if you’re in early enough. Everywhere you look, something unexpected can be found, whether that be a large papier-mâché head and hands above the front door, one of several models and grotesques found around the pub, the weird bottles and jars collected in the windows, a set of traffic lights by the bathrooms, the best part of a whole tree truck suspended from the ceiling, oil drums, paintings, huge plants and much more besides. A lounge-style soundtrack was playing in the background throughout our visit and a bloke seemed to be setting up to play some live music, and we noticed posters advertising life drawing classes. Two handpulls on the bar promised some cask ale, but a turned clip and an unclipped pump meant that I ended up with a pint of Beavertown Gamma Ray on keg, with brews from the likes of Camden and Brixton breweries also spotted. There was a nice buzz to the place, which seemed to mainly attract a younger clientele. Despite the lack of ale and the general chaos of the interior, I really warmed to this place and thought it was a fun addition to the local pub scene. It’s the kind of place that rewards multiple visits, thanks to there being so much to discover, and it seemed like it was doing a lot to engage the local community too. Hopefully they get some ale on the bar at times as well – I’d be happy to return again to give it another look.

Having undergone a number of name changes since this was originally built in 1811 as the Spanish Patriot, though obviously replaced, probably in the late 19th century, the current name dating from 2017. The description is best appreciated from CAMRA’s site, but it includes a raised ‘hide’ and ‘Pink Cave’ – Oooh Matron! The interior is beyond description and only a miserable old churl would leave without at least the hint of a smile and I was probably the oldest churl in here. Two pumps, one unused, the other dispensing Sussex Best at a reasonable £2.45. Certainly worth a visit if in the area if you’re looking for something fun and different.

Very well described below, this pub is rather different, and it’s certainly fun.  I did look upstairs but it was full, while the basement was far too loud to venture into. No dog present, but there did appear to be a house cat lurking.  Only one ale on draft, Signature Roady IPA, which was in good condition but too fruity for my taste buds.  I’d be happy to jump in again when I’m next passing. 

This was once a Whitbread pub called the Spanish Patriot, but it's now nothing like any pub I've ever been. You have a sort of Alice in Wonderland moment as you enter into what seems to be some sort of alternate reality. The extravagantly decorated exterior with its "Maori" style decor is only a gentle precursor to what lies within. There's a pink lit sort of fairy grotto containing a couple of seats; a couple of massive clawed hands suspended from the ceiling just inside the entrance; an enormous bundle of twigs also suspended from the ceiling; a massive silver C, or crescent moon perhaps, with more seating on it; a dartboard surrounded by mock foliage; more seating at the back with more garish blue and red illumination, etc, etc. I saw a sign to a "Liquor Bar" downstairs, but decided to stay upstairs where there was the protection of some daylight. On to more mundane matters, they did have Five Points Pale on handpump (£2.35 a half) which was actually rather good, and I managed to find a bit of normal seating at which to enjoy it. they had lunch menus on all the tables from some "pop-up" kitchen arrangement, and I thought some of the food on it a tad expensive. The fish finger sandwich "pollock goujons, tar tar suce, served with fries and pickles" was 11 (£11 I guess). There were no diners in there - in fact there were on other customers at all in there - when I dropped in at around 2.30 on a Monday afternoon. Behind the servery were a couple of dispensers with coloured liquids churning away in them - fruit juice I would hope, or cocktail mixes perhaps. This is a bizarre and surreal place, possibly best visited during daylight hours when some of its most unusual customers are hopefully still sleeping in some dark place. But the staff were very friendly, one of them asking if I was OK with dogs before playing fetch with a young puppy in the pub. All very contradictory. I'm giving this place a 7 for the effort that must have gone into it to make it look so bizarre, and for the excellent Five Points Pale they were serving.