The Five Bells, East Finchley, N2

Dating back to 1751, this was surely once a coaching inn, though rebuilt in a modest brewers’ Tudor style, probably in the 1920s and since 2011, one of Greene King’s irresistible ‘Flaming Grill’ joints (ironic, given the close proximity to Finchley Crematorium), with two luverly signs at the entrance and exit to the substantial car park – with EV chargers – showing photos of the greasy fayre dished up within. You can get an idea of the interior from my photo, but aside from the original bar counter, it’s a typical modernised by-the-numbers GK outlet: zoned colour schemes, zoned furniture with some patterned wallpaper, laminate or carpeted floor, games machines, décor in the form of pictures of the area from yesteryear along with meal deals and TVs showing silent, unwatched tennis to a virtually empty venue at the time of my Friday 9.50pm arrival, the few customers essentially amounting to gobby sozzled ladz on the lagerz, apart from a crying baby in the car park. There were GK IPA and Abbott pumps along with a Beavertown fount, but the barman told me ‘We don’t really use those anymore’, so it was a pint of Moretti at a shocking £6.55. This is a feeble pub; the Windsor Castle kicks ten bells out of this place.

Official site of The Five Bells - www.greeneking.co.uk

Official site of The Five Bells - www.greeneking.co.uk

I imagine this pub has changed quite a bit since the two previous reviews. It now looks like any one of similar pubs in this chain and others like it, being food oriented with a large car park. As I was here with a large group for a post-funeral party, there are no complaints on that score. There were four real ales available: Greene King IPA and Abbot Ale, Morland Old Speckled Hen and H&H Rocking Rudolf (is it Christmas?). My GK IPA was as good as it gets. The party food was generous with some pretty decent vegetarian options. So I suppose I can recommend the pub in that it does what it sets out to do pretty well, but I wouldn't make a point of coming here again (until the next funeral).