The Essex Serpent, Covent Garden, WC2

There were three Westerham Brewery ales on during my visit – British Bulldog (at £3.40 a pint; Audit Ale; and Grasshopper. I just had had time for Bulldog, which was fine. Apparently they’re not tied to Westerham Brewery, and I was told that whoever owns the pub also has an establishment in Westerham, so there is a local connection, and their ales do sell well. The pub itself is a very small one room affair, with just the one table and chairs, and with lots of high stools at high tables and ledges round the sides. The floor covering looked to be lino or something similar, and the walls were painted red. There was a TV on showing Sky news, but it was muted, and there was some pop music being played too loudly, but as it was some classic Motown tracks it was at least worth listening to. This is a pretty ordinary pub with nothing special about it, except the rarely seen (in Central London anyway) trio of Westerham ales on offer, although at West End prices.

This is probably one of the most bland and uninteresting pubs in the area. The traditional pub frontage is about the best feature of the pub. The single ground floor bar has lost any character that it may have once had and there is little that catches the eye. The rather ordinary décor is not enhanced by plain mirrors and a couple of blackboards for the menu and wine list, neither of which appear to be particularly stimulating. The beer selection is uninspiring (Pride and Bombardier alongside the usual suspects in the lager / cider stakes). Even the piped music is as dull it can be (Barry Manilow, Wet Wet Wet, Barbra Streisend etc). 2 TV's and a big screen used mainly for sport. Fruit machines / Quiz machine and a soon to be redundant ciggy machine take up much of the limited wall space. There is an upstairs restaurant but I have never ventured that far. The pub enjoys a prime position right next to Covent Garden market and the area is rampant with tourists and office workers but there is little here to entice them in and surely no-one is dumb enough to be taken in by the “Covent Gardens best kept secret” sign.

The lack of decoration and the smell of urine led me to believe that some scallywag had found an abandoned shop and stuck a bar at the end of it. The Adnams was good and Batemans' XB and Broadside were also available alongside some premium and a limited selection of standard lager. When most other places in the area were reasonably busy this place was dead and there were actually two blokes standing there staring at the TV which was switched off. The cellar bar was closed, but on the way to the toilet upstairs I did pass through the “Modern British Restaurant” which was in reality a few tables and chairs in the upstairs bar that were taken up with a number of tourists who seemed to be enjoying themselves. I'll leave this place to the tourists in future.

We ate upstairs,no complaints.Handy for lunch when at Covent Gardens.