The Victoria Tavern, East Cowes

One of those dire last-century refurbs in the B&Q style, with laminate flooring, irrelevant modern stonework, some quite hideous furniture and even a boat-shaped bar. It seemed moderately friendly for a backstreet local but it had only just opened. Normally has an island beer on handpump but this was off, leaving a couple of Brixton craft as better than nothing. Not worth seeking out.

A fairly scabby backstreet local mainly used by East Cowes's less cerebral yoofs. The Victorian building has had a flat-roofed extension added at one side into which the single long bar has oozed. The décor is the worst of 1960s dullness, capped by dreadful crazy-stone fronted fireplaces. The carpeted floor has laminate walkways to guide the less geographically able between the various facilities – pool table, two dartboards, gaming machine and the bar counter. There is a jukebox of the very worst kind and several TV screens showing nothing in particular – one suspects the clientele are waiting for the opportunity to see their soulmates on Jeremy Kyle. The staff were surly and unwelcoming, the regulars were hostile. The one saving grace – nearly – was the presence of a handpump dispensing Doombar, but sadly it tasted like syrup and wasn't at all enjoyable. We are not amused.